Nick Offerman is not Ron Swanson. He wanted us to know that so badly that he picked up his six-string and sang about it during his standup on Friday, April 1st at the UK Singletary Center.
“I understand you’ve come to love another man.
He’s studly and heroic, so I completely understand.”
Offerman may not be the cranky, mustachioed libertarian we came to love and respect from “Parks and Recreation,” but the similarities are so abundant you have to wonder how much of Swanson is actually inspired by the man himself. The deadpan delivery, the all-American masculinity, even that hearty, boyish chuckle is all Offerman.
“Now your expectations are a little high I fear.
Cause if I tried to live like him, I’d be dead within a year.
You see he can eat a big ass steak for every single meal,
Cause his colon is fictitious, while mine is all too real.
And his Scotch intake, it would be my liver’s doom.
Cause mine is controlled by nature,
And his by the whims of the writers room.”Offerman’s internal organs didn’t stop him from enjoying some Bluegrass staples while in town though, like the Hot Brown or the Derby Pie, which he suggested we rename “Dirty Pie.” I tend to agree.
In fact, he seemed to truly enjoy his visit, spending the day in Henry County, the home of Wendell Berry, one of his favorite writers.
“Public libraries are nothing but heroic to me.
And not the buttholes of Satan,
That Ron believes them to be.”
He spoke at length about his passion for books, among other things.
“Me and Ron like working with both wood and women.
And we both get wood from women who look like my wife.”
Offerman’s wife (who played Tammy Two in “Parks and Rec”) came up many times. “She’s so good looking that Aphrodite herself would stand in line for just a taste of her grandfather’s penis,” he explained.
As for wood, Offerman demonstrated his handiwork by playing a song on his homemade ukulele, which as he pointed out had a 32nd inch gap between the neck and body. Just shameful.
All in all, Offerman punctuated his act with around 10 songs throughout the night. Topics ranged from the virtues of going “full bush” to advice on how to enjoy life’s pleasures without being a dick.
The sold out crowd (mostly students) loved every minute of it. They laughed at damn near every syllable and even stood for an ovation before the show was actually over, which prompted an unplanned cover of Mouse Rat’s 5,000 Candles in the Wind. As the song that bid farewell to the beloved Li’l Sebastian at the end of “Parks and Recreation” season three, it was a fitting end to the show.
He may not be Ron Swanson, but hell, close enough.